Altogether different!

122 eggs and billions......zillions sperm. in the lab for 15 hours.....and still..

This is it for today.

Addicted to.....!

What a day was it! No sperm, no egg!!!! spent 5 hours looking for them. Disected everything, din't get anything, not even cumulus? MY eyes are rolling.....brain is so addicted to see those stuff. Stim was good, I was assuming atleast 10 eggs, follicles were in good size too......Mannn....OK

STOP thinking about it.

Hate her alike like her!

No matter, How mean she is! sometime I mean to like her.  Dr. Joven had 7 siblings excluded herself. Today at lunch, We were talking about world war and suddenly she started crying like a kid, Yes like a kid, because a kid ( Dr. Joven) was missing her father. I was frozen on my chair, could not got up and console her, moment was frozen too........ She lost her father in world war II when she was hardly 7 years old!

Poor Philipinos, How did they survive under US and Japanes army at the same time..huhh

She told us how army forced her father to take a part in war and they took him from home. One day, family came to know that he was shot dead..... they could not got his deadbody even.....ohh man!!!

Her mother worked different places to feed her 8 kids. She excatly knows how to see bleed streets, how to feel starvation, how to bare bomb smoke and noise of tanks. She is 80 years old, still cries for her father...........

I am sorry Dr. Joven..... :(

Spent last night with you.

When I got up in the morning, I was feeling new strenth, my lips were stretching both corners in opposite directions and I saw a SMILE on my face! relaxed! light!
Because I confessed everything to God whatever I had done bad.
I am feeling better, feeling very light and closed to God. I think God forgave me and taught me a lesson that I should not repeat mistakes. I do/will not want to hurt anyone anymore.

Please God be with me. I know it was you in my dream last night, you wiped my tears and taught me how to smile, with a bad start finally I got it from your face. Now I can say, my smile is beautiful! Thanks!

You spent whole night with me, talked to me, showed me new way. But then you said you have to go to others to listen them. You turned back, smiled and said I will be back soon.

I will be waiting for you........

So whatever you said for today I did. I have started contribute my materialistic..........to children, poor, hungery, sick, animals, endangered speacies, nature who you love most! I did not lie and worked honestly.
Now I got my answer why you had created me.
Please help me to continue this for my lifetime.

Thank you for being with me last night.

Using my first love?

There was a small hut in front of my father's parents big mention. And in that hut, there was a old man was used to live with his wife and some goats. He was used to play flute. He had no kids. I totally adored him, his work. He was used to go in jungle with his goats and played flute.
We ( espacially I) were not allowed to talk them. My grandmom was used to take me in her lap all the time but I was tried to go to that old man.
One day, everyone was taking nap, I heard his flute, he was coming back from forest and I ran from home, went to him, He took me in his lap and gave me custard apple! how sweet was it! and gave me his one of kid( goats)! I played with it then he gave me milk of goat, though I din't like it cause I was used to drink powder milk. I enjoyed every moment with him, his wife and his goats. His wife used to kissed on my cheaks!
Pure love!
Suddenly I have heard my uncle's voice who was searching for me in village. I was broughten to home back and my grandmom scolded poor couple that not to touch or even see her grandchild! They cried...........:(
for me. Then I had decided that I'll meet him whenever I want to, without telling anyone in the family. My parents were cool and agreed going me to him. I was very happy so he was. He never forget to bring custard apple for me in his life time. Time was passing..... I went to high school, old man was growing too ( older n older) I remember that sunny morning, my grandfather, my father were talking to other villagers. They asked to my father about me. He said, will go medical school. My grandfather said why don't you ask old man to give his name to me so that I can get reservation seat ( which was for poor students).......I got shattered.

Using my old man!!!!!!

Royal or pathetic?

When I was young, I was the only pampered kid in the family. I was apple eye of my great grandpa, grandpa and both granies. I was belong to a conservative villager's family from father's side and urban, educated family from mother's side. Huhhhh.......Let me tell you it is really tuff to live with these two altogether different environment.
I was told that when I was born, my father's mother sent sweets to everyone in village ( I mean whole village) Then my mothers parents took me with them in the another city cause my parent's were working and had no time to take care of me. But I was used to visit village for few days in summer ( not every summer) and because of the change of environment, I was used to get sick in village so people in the village were used to treat me as royal kid! hmmmmm well one more reason for that royal treatment............
My great grandfather was landlord and was used to give money to needy poor people (on interest)......how does it sound ?????????
I remember the time, my great grandfather used to sit on armchair and listen people who were used sit outside of the house on ground. WOW....
I was not allowed to talk, even touch them! because they were low class!!!! Man......how difficult it is to type even....

Pet?

I/you/we have a pet. It is correct grammer...right?

I just hate it.. why do people keep them? for kids, keep them like a TOY! for fun, for security, for pitty!
I was having morning coffee at work and people came to join me in the kitchen. After some time, the nurse came with her daughter. She told us about her lost dog that she found her in one fo the animal shelter but she can not recognize her because the whole group of dog looked same, when she called her name, they all got excited and started jumping.......aawwwww I just can imagine how bad they want pamper. Daughter of the nurse started crying, she could not recognise her dog......I asked her not to cry and find any unique identification like hairloss spot, any injured part or anything which make her dog unique. She jumped on chair and smiled, ooohhh yeah! I know that............I hope little girl will find her dog.

Today morning, when I was walking on the street, I saw a big brown dog who had no coller, no assistance, nothing. He crossed near by me, I stopped, turnt back, looked at him going freely. Then I told this everyone and two of them saw him at same spot. then I came to know that some people leave them just like that because they don't want much responsibility?????? some even kill them????? How nasty!!!!

Don't use them like a toy?????

They have life! They breath, and They have heart too just like homosapians!

Prayer

God! please give them strenth, peace who are wounded and/or lost their loved ones. Please wipe their tears, take away their pain and hold them with your love.

Bad surely.

Cutting through multiyear ice in Arctic area....

No laugh...

Serial bomb blast in Mumbai 2 hours ego!

End of the day!

Enough, enough, enough for today.........Man!

SO............ I was almost ready to hybridize slides and guess what!!!!!!!

She messed up........slide which she made it! she made smear on one side and putProbes upside down!

Don't take me wrong.........I respect old people and know that hows difficult when you can not see big signs, can't read newpaper or watch TV.........I also have bad sight......But it was hilarious!!!!

Well, I said we r done for today, we'll read slides tomorrow, She was sad :( I said good job, it was your so called first attempt. next time you'll be knowing what you gonna do.

Poor lady!!!!! She should stay at home and tell tale to her grandchildren.

I love Teaching

It is always pain in the a?? (neck) for me to teach someone. And it is really hard if your student is 80 years old!!!!!!!!!!

How many times I told and showed her How to perform sperm sex ratio...and she forgets..........whole principle (pal) ;

Today she said, so you r gonna use 3 alcohalz????? I was like.......>WHAT????????? NO
1 ethanol (%) and 2 swelling buffers, Dr. Joven........Doesn't it make sense???

Ohhhh Lord.............please don't do this to me ( specially in my old age)..

Today...

Today Morning was lill different than yesterday's......... (tearful)
Anyways......

What's going around the world?
* Mr. president says, seniors may stop receiving social security checks..Sad!
* Debt ceiling deadline August 3rd?
* Mr. Petry received the highest honor for his service.
* Syria Govt. not supporting USA in terms of recontructing US embassy in Syria??
* NASA celebrating 165th anniversary of Neptune discovery.
* Blind man saved a girl's life.
* IGI waiting for Boing 787 ( the dreamliner) to land.
* Libya, Syria, Somalia, Japan?..........Is God on summer vacation?
* Cabinet reshuffling in India......? Punishment or reward?
* Delhi belly shows, Bollywood is on big turn.
hey hey hold on........David just told me.......Tom Cruise is Gay! ( please don't use poor Kiddy ; Homes)
* I can watch Larry Crowne for Tom.......that is it.
Ohh God..........Ms. Young quit! in 2 days.......without any notice.....just walked out......how unprofetional....Man..........
Enough for now.

Summer is blooming..............I wanted to stay more n more near Pacific. Pacific always attracts me!

AIIMS

Is it good to go on hunger strike, pressurise Govt. for keeping Doctor who molested 8 years old boy?

Open Hand Peanut Buddy.

New Today

Todays morning, I woke up to work on my resume and found my tiny laptop not in mood doing anything about resume.....gurrrrrr. Well, anyhow I got over with it......thanks to Rajat as always he helps me.

Came in the lab.....started twitting (I also work..) to see what's going on.....reading NEWS is one of the passion in my life ( I am not good reader or social activist) but I think I just read or watch news to ignore this sucked life. is'nt it fair? If you don't have to do much, go and look in to other's life.......And judge other's life ( does'nt matter, how bad you judged your life)

Today's NEWS: Maria Sussiraj case messed up, Redcross need more blood (so I applied), found adopt a soul (Aurovelley), watching Fox, NASA stuff.......As I always want to go in space, wanna feel Zero gravity, wanna see moon, stars and planets, milkyway and Off course Sun!

Following up Japan's natural disaters impact.......and many more.....

My eyes

Few hours ago, Dr. Joven told me, Your eyes are very pretty.........Your eyes smile every time! well Dr. Joven I am not smiling nowadays.......

She is the second person at work who told me this. The first was Maureen, who liked my eyes.

No one complimented on my eyes on this planet.

I always wanted to have beautiful eyes like green, blue or brown or big smokey.........

God

Who are you God?

(Late N.F.A. Khan explained it beautifully)

Sometimes I looked for you here, and some times there
To have your sight I’ve been ruined and I’ve everywhere
The dear ones vanished, but No one got a lead to you

You are not, yet you are at every place,
You are a puzzle

With what splendour you can be seen in every speck
But the mind is puzzled what you look like and what you are
You are a puzzle

I looked for you in the houses of worship, but couldn’t find you
Yet I found you residing in my heart,
You are a puzzle

I couldn’t find you anywhere
But the spectacle is that You are there, where we are
You are a puzzle

If there is none but you
Then I cannot understand why veil Yourself
You are a puzzle

You manifest-in the houses of worship
Your light is resplendent in these places
You are a puzzle

He who is lost in your love, He is rewarded
You could not be found either in a temple or Ka’bah
But you could be found in a broken heart
Sometimes you are hidden as non-existence and somewhere you appear as existence
If you are not then why deny?
Even the negation confirms your existence
The one I call my Existence who is that if not you?
If you didn’t come in my thoughts
Then how did I learn you are God?
You are a puzzle

What puzzles me is who and what are You
You’re an idol when You come by and if not then You are God
You are a puzzle

How did the one who entered wisdom could become Everlasting? How did one who comes into mind’s grasp become God
The philosopher doesn’t find God in an argument
He is trying to untangle the cord but cannot find the top
You tell all You are homeless
But surprisingly You dwell in a broken heart
You are a puzzle

If there is none but You 0 God,
Then what is all this commotion about?
You are a puzzle

You don’t hide, You don’t show Yourself
You show the manifestation but don’t show Yourself
You don’t remove the conflicts of the manner of worship
You don’t reveal the exact things
I’m surprised how You accommodated in my heart?
When the two worlds are not enough for You
You are in the houses of worship
You are faithless for not showing Your countenance
You are a puzzle

The puzzle taken strange possession of my heart
A confused picture it’s drawn within it
I do not understand what all this puzzle is
What is this game You’ve been playing since the beginning of time
You made the soul the prisoner of the body’s cage and then put the guard of death on it
You make the bird of contrivance fly ‘ yet you’ve spread the net of fate everywhere
For years you adorned the world and hereafter yet you have also made the plan of destruction
Though you claim to be homeless
Yet you preached about home, kith and kin
This is bad, this good, this is hell, this is heaven
Please tell me what is in this perplexity?
For Adam’s crime you punish his children
Is that the standard of your justice?
By giving the earthly vicegerency to the man,
You have made it into a spectacle
For Your own recognition you created all
But you hide yourself from all
You are a puzzle

You draw and erase yourself
I don’t know which crime of desire you punish us
Sometimes you’ll turn a pebble into a diamond
Other times you’ll turn a diamond into dust
The one who revived many dead
You made him to adorn the crucifix
The one that longed to have your sight on the Mount Sinai
You reduced the Mount to ashes with the Lightning of your Manifestation
You wished Abraham to be thrown into Nimrud’s Fire
Then you turned that fire into flowers yourself
Sometimes you throw a Canaanite into the well of Canaanites
And then deprive Jacob of his sight
You make Joseph to be put into the slave-mart of Egypt
And then you also make him the king of Egypt
When someone reaches to the destination of higher spirituality
You make him to voice: I’m the Truth
Then allow the verdicts of infidelity against Him
You send yourself Mansoor to the crucifix
One day he too loses his life
Whom You make to see Your sight
If a Ranjha goes in Your quest
You make him in the charity of Jhang
If some Majnun goes in Your quest
You make him a beloved of some Laila
If Your love awakens in Sassi’s heart
You scorch her in a burning desert
If Sohni imagined you as her Mahinval
You drowned her into the ragging currents
You do as You wish by summoning to the Heaven
And in a single night You can make the Prophet’s Accession to Heaven
You are a puzzle

You’re Your Veil
You are a puzzle

I accept what I say You mind it a little
But still I’ve a little complaint to make
You sat quiet on your Throne and watched Muhammad’s grandson the scorching desert of Karbala
How he was giving his blood for Your Love though he was thirsty for three days
His enemies were after all enemies, but it’s sad even you didn’t provide him with a little Water
Every favour of oppression is the inheritance of the oppressor
But the oppressed is neither consoled nor comforted
Yesterday he who had a crown on his head
Today I see him with a begging bowl
What is this? If I ask, your answer is
That no one can get acquainted with this secret
You are a puzzle

You are a world of astonishment
You are a puzzle

You are Omnipresent but I do not know where
I have heard your name but I do not know your location
You are a puzzle

Once the heart’s wish is fulfilled it glows
And when eyes are gratified they are filled With tearsWhen a person is lost in spiritual love
He is elevated and becomes like Bahu the poet
No one comes to harm under a dagger
But the arrow in an infant’s throat becomes the scale of justice
You are a puzzle

How carefree you are.
A long story you are
You are a puzzle

Inquiring about you cause confusion at Every step
I see discord between the circumstances and Ideas
I become a picture of distress
Whenever I see in the mirror of the world
I see so many contradictions in a single eye
I see one place divided into so many parts
Somewhere I see the autumnal smoke of hardship and somewhere I see the monsoon showers of blessing
Here I see hissing rivers and there silent Mountains
Here I see a forest, there I see a desert and somewhere else I see a garden
This style of division writhes me
I see some rich and some poor here
In Day's share, I see only one sun shinning
While the night is bedecked with millions of stars
Here I see the withered flowers of truth
There I see the thorns of lies abloom
Somewhere I see Shamas skinned alive
Somewhere I see Sarmad’s head severed
What is night? What is morning?
What is light? What is darkness?
After all I’m also your deputy, why You say "what is yours?"You are a puzzle

What would a person see of you?
You are veiled in every way
You are a puzzle

These mosques, temples and taverns
Some believe in this and some believe in that
All are your abodes dear,
Some believe in this and some believe in that
We are convinced of your Oneness
Someone leans towards negation
But You know the truth
Someone believes in this and someone believes in that
One includes him with the creation
The other stays aloof from all
Both are Your devotees
Some believe in this and some believe in that
If all are the devotees of your name
Then why the conflict of your names?
You are a puzzle

You are in every house of worship
You are in both the worlds wherever one is
You are there for him
In everywhere You are Unique
You are a puzzle

You are the centre of our quest, the world of colour and scent
You manifest all the time, You are Omnipresent
In Bahu’s surrounds there is only You
You are the beloved, very Handsome
You are the Glory and Honour of the Heavens
You are the gain of longings of the two worlds
You gave eyes and makes us perform ablution with the tears
Now give us a flask of your manifestation
Come out of the veil before me
For a short meeting and a conversation

Here.

Look at me( my blog).....just here for sake of typing. Do I want to do this??? Do I need to do this?

4th of July!

WOW............sitting alone in my room. I wanna sleep, this year's firework is not for me. Hope next year.....

Love

This thought is not mine but I want to keep it here.

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always preservers.

Sunday?

I am here because I have no one to talk. Sitting in room and thinking about past and present. Not able to decide about future cause no one actually can..........